it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
