If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
