wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
