I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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