my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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