I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
