Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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