Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
