She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
