he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
