I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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