That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
