from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
