I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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