I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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