Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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