fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
