Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
