...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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