Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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