Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
