Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
