Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
