This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
