I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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