I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
