Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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