Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
