So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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