So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
