Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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