"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
