i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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