I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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