first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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