I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
