; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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