this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
