can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
