I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
