its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
