I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
