i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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