Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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