So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
