she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
