so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
