can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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