I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
