I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
